Cocktail Tease

Bad sign when it’s spelled “Kettle One” #cockfail

#cockfail at the Phoenix: shaken Boulevardier and a Blood & Sand with 2 ounces of simple and topped with soda. Wuut??

A serious #cockfail at Nic’s Beverly Hills: this Vesper. When I ordered it from the bartender, who might have just been hired for the special event that night, she had to ask someone else what was in it. Didn’t seem to care so much about the proportions. Then she asked me if I wanted vodka OR gin. And instead of Lillet it tasted of elderflower syrup. She finished off this creation with a cucumber slice. Wuuuut?

Famous last words: “Now available in Target.” Got a pitch for “100% fresh-fruit cocktail mixer that delivers a premium all natural low-calorie drink.”

Comes in four flavors (1-liter for $7.99): strawberry daiquiri, Cosmopolitan, sour mixer and mojito. What do you say? Yay or nay?

Would you drink this Lucky Charms martini? @lolasmartinibar is serving it up for St. Patty’s Day. #erp!

Pinnacle Marshmallow Vodka, Splash of Rock Candy, Half & Half, in a Lucky Charm cereal rimmed glass topped with Lucky Charm cereal marshmallows.

10 Signs You’re in a Bad Cocktail Bar

@esquiremag listed its “Signs You’re in a Bad Bar” and here are a few of my own regarding a bad cocktail bar, which I blogged about after having ignored them myself. Never again! By the way, if Cosmos and the like are your thing then ignore this list.

You know you’re in a bad cocktail bar when you encounter any of the following:

1) “Tini” cocktails

2) 10-ounce “martinis”

3) Indifferent bartender with dead eyes and a lazy, short shake

4) Cover charge

5) A shelf dedicated to flavored vodkas

6) More Dekuyper, less fresh ingredients

7) Bartender uses the straw trick with no intention of tweaking the cocktail

8) Bartender looks up cocktail recipe on iPhone

9) Each cocktail listed on the menu has 5+ ingredients, most of which are flavored syrups

10) Bartender can’t even make a classic cocktail correctly. #cockfail

#Cockfail at Buggata. Moscow Mule with margarita mix and 3 oz of bitters. Wtf?